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    World-Explorer Baselrane's Avatar
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    Mar 2015
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    [Distorted World] First Contact : Anis Allen

    "Do you believe your destiny?
    Have you ever wondered what your life was for?"

    I once had thoughts reflecting how uncertain I was. Why do I live? I am the Saint of Armonia. I am loved by God. However, after meeting again with Berthe, I could clearly see that fate was striking unfairly against many people. Was it God's ordeal? What if I was the one being left dead in the abyss? What if I had never been the choosen Saint? All theses questions flowed inside my mind like torments. Though I couldn't tell anyone. Sirius, Lora, not even the pioneering family.

    "What is my destiny? God, will you tell me?"

    He never got to reply to me.

    I met the little princess of Bristia who taught me to find my own destiny. She couldn't see her future, still she was so proud and so confident while telling me to believe in myself. I wish I could be as strong as her.

    I eventually found my answer thanks to a very precious person...

    One night, I made a dream. A dream that was like a very far memory of another time. Fragments of memories from another me. I had a glance of another world. A world so different from mine but which brings me nostalgia. I couldn't only assume it was meaningless dream as it seemed so real.

    I met my other self in this new world. I couldn't touch anything. I was merely just a floating ghost that none could see. I approached that girl who looked like me. She was playing with her two friends, two boys. I loved the smiles theses children had on their face. It reminded me so much feelings of my past. Before I became Saint, before Cepheus died. The girl couldn't hear me but I stood next to her and started to ask her if she was happy, how she imagined her life in the future. I gently smiled at her and pat her cute head. Would she also become the new Saint? I wondered. Then, she turned to me, as if she could see me and I read in her eyes, the story of her life.

    I have nothing special... I'm an orphan whom parents died during the Holy War. But adults always say to keep this a secret. When we go outside, there is no demons. However, all the stories we hear look so real to us. People don't believe us when we say our parents fought against the Evil.

    Sirius Rigel and Cepheus Jonathan, my precious friends, also lost their family in the previous war and we all three grew up together in the orphanage. Obviously they are willing to serve our God. They are strong. Their willpower has equal only their firm belief in God. Sirius wants to be a crusader and Cepheus wants to become a priest who can cure him and support him.

    Sometimes, Cepheus asks me what I plan to do when I will be an adult but I never know what to answer... I'm different from them. Maybe having a shop in town and sell asphodels? Sirius is often teasing me, saying I should run a restaurant of peppers specialities but he's just making fun of me. The smell of pepper cooking is enough to put me down for hours ! I'm laughing with them. I love them. I cannot become a soldier or a priest like them. I don't have any power. I'm a no-good frail girl.

    I only pray for us to be always together...

    When I look at my friends, they both shine so brightly. Our God may be the Sun but Sirius and Cepheus are my only stars on Earth.
    She was exactly me at this age. I wished selfishly to be with my two friends. Today, it's not exactly the case and at this reminder, I smile bitterly, looking down. Then, suddenly, the scenery around me changed. I traveled inside the Cathedral. I saw many young ladies waiting for something. I recognized the place and the reason of this gathering. It was the day the next Saint was to be chosen.

    I spotted my other me. She grew up and became a young lady. She was standing behind another girl that I also know very well. Lady Berthe... When Berthe's turn came, the mark of the chosen one appeared on her. I could notice at this moment that the other Anis was relieved while she understood she wouldn't be the new Saint. I followed her when the ceremony ended and when she left the Cathedral. Sirius and Cepheus were waiting for her outside. They both looked very nervous before seeing her coming out with all the other girls. They ran into her and grabbed her into their arms, happy that their Anis would be safe and far from the War. At least, it was what they expected.


    I looked at the sky and the light started to fade. Before I could realize it, the place again changed. This time, I face my other self. She was praying, holding two necklaces shaped with blue armonium. She couldn't see me of course, but I wanted to know what she was thinking. For who she was praying so ardently. It was strange... the scenery was kind of blur, I couldn't see clearly like before. I didn't know the cause of this suddent change but I sensed some dark power around us. Anis stopped her praying and she turned back when she heard her name being called by her friends. She smiled at seing them. They both were handsome in their uniforms. Sirius became an exemplar crusader and Cepheus also made his dream come true. I understood from their talking that my other self also managed to become a crusader, but low ranked only. She was appointed to the supply at Apostadero. She would never go to the battlefield unless crisis occurs. I looked at that heavy sword she weared on her belt and I couldn't stop making such face, trying to imagine how could I even learn to swing such weapon. I smiled at this other Anis. She cared so much for her friends that she tried her best and managed to be the closest to them. Would I have this strong mental if I was in her place? I doubted and it made me care about her as well. She was so strong... different than me.

    The other Anis took the hand of Sirius, then the hand of Cepheus. She closed her eyes and started to speak like if she was making an oath to her friends.

    Sirius, Cepheus... if you happen to fall in a lightless place, watch this necklace, know that you are not alone and that I care for you always. I hope it will bring you back to home. It's a promise.
    After these few words, she gave them each one necklace and made a very sad smile. Her friends couldn't say anything but they wore their necklaces without asking for more. It was a promise. They would return home. For Armonia, for Anis. I finally understood she had to let them go to En Celar... My chest started to hurt. I wasn't able to help them. I had no right to intervene in this world. I couldn't see what would happen to them but I already knew it would be the beginning of this other Anis' pain.

    All these strange memories scattered in the stars firmament of dreams reached me but only showed snippet of her life. Her destiny was set to become darker than black. Her stars vanished, eaten by a black hole. There was no starlight anymore in the night sky. Everything became clear when I glanced at a memory where the other Anis was crying all the tears of her body, holding two blooded necklaces that were already seen.

    I stared at her but wasn't able to just... put myself in her place. Her suffering was too hard to handle for me. Her pain was growing only to be the worst ever. The chain of her memory started to become distorted, until it broke eventually like crystals, or should I say Armonium.

    Inside a small piece of these memories getting eaten by the darkness, I saw the other Anis running to the battlefield with the hatred, her eyes drowned in a sea of chaos, crushing all her ennemies on the way and reaching the Memory-Eater. She confronted Navas alone. Only then, I could understand her true feelings. She vowed to kill even the God after erasing everything she hated the most. Then, she wanted to take her own life. That girl... could have been me. No. She was me. Her feelings pierced into my chest and our hearts became one.

    I couldn't even hold them in my arms. They lived a fate worst than death. Nothing changed at all after their lives were taken away from me. They didn't become heroes and their deaths meant nothing like a happy ending. They just... died. Devoting their very existence to a God that was never here to begin with.

    But... I do exactly know why they couldn't give up. I know what courage drove them to face the Abyss no matter if this would cost their last breath... It was because of me. I was weak, powerless, unaware of the danger. I thought we could stay together forever. I needed nothing else.

    They both wanted to protect me. They were the final bastion protecting the wall which separated us from hell. They had no choice. What God offered them at this moment? I do hate God but I hate myself even more. I will crush everything that made us part and only until then... I shall supress my own existence.

    Sirius, Cepheus... when I die, will I be able to see you again?
    There were to be no goodbyes, no farewells, no last words, no corpses. Only remnants and memories being swallowed in the deep part of the Abyss. She couldn't really accept it. Admiting that their sacrifice was vain. Losing her two precious friends broke something inside her. She squeezed in her hands the two necklaces she got back from the battefield. She raised her head, a tear fell slowly on her face and then she saw God's statue. God was smiling. She couldn't understand why God was smiling at her dearest people's deaths. Fear made a path into her heart. She felt insecure by the thought of being alone, to have nowhere to return anymore. From this fear, was born the Chaos, who made disorder into her mind. Her mind breaking, she fell into Madness, whom who led to the Hatred. She will never forgive God, never forgive the memory-eater. Eventually, Rage slowly took her and she started to seek for revenge. Nothing else mattered. Darkness devoured her.

    I yelled at the nothingness to make this stop but it didn't cease. I couldn't see her suffering anymore. It was too much. I couldn't imagine a world like this, where she even lost Sirius. God is no more. He has never been. She lost faith. She lost the light. I had a blackout after all these feelings of her mixed together within my own mind. I was almost breaking apart. When I woke up, I was on the battlefield. Red armoniums glows was so horrific. It almost turned to black crimson, doom blood-shaped. I noticed the other Anis, lying on the ground, half dead. Her sight was empty but I could sense some life into her. I came closer to her. Surprisingly, I was able to touch her. Her skin was so pale, so cold. She lost her left eye as a scar was on her face and her left arm was consumed by the Abyss power. I sat near her and then took her in my arms, putting her head near my chest and stroking her. I started to cry silently because I was holding myself. I wanted to confort her but what could I even say. I didn't know if she fullfilled her revenge, if she failed to defeat Navas. I just wanted to spread a few hope to that other me.

    Anis... I have no idea of the pain you've been enduring, nor can I imagine the grieves that consumed your soul. The only thing I can do is to pray. Pray for your sorrows to end. No matter what shape this reality in which you live takes, I wish you can meet again someone who will be the star that guides you back to the light. I still believe that even in the darkest place of darkness, there will always be hope. Never should this terrible destiny define who you are. This is not what "they" would want...
    My tears won't stop falling. My words suddenly were failing me. Just when I thought my heart couldn't break more, I was crying while holding the other me, that one who became so dear to me. As I kept her closer to my chest, her body vanished and she disappeared in the darkness. I was still keeping my arms around something, like I didn't want to let her go, even though she just wasn't here anymore. I was alone in the dark. I couldn't stop crying and asking why God's ordeal was so harsh on that person. My other self.

    Right after, I woke up in tears. I was back to my world.
    Lora caught me while I was crying and asked if I had a nightmare. I couldn't answer anything. Was it only a nightmare? Will someone ever be able to save my other self? Did she die alone and was consumed by the Abyss? I was keep questionning myself with guilt, several days following this "dream".

    It was an unusual experience. I believe this was God doing somehow. Deep inside my heart, I hope the other Anis was at least able to return to her beloved friends, that God granted her her final wish despite all the hatred she held to him. I do trust God, but also myself. I will save people and find a way to show a bright future. There isn't only one destiny. It can break us or make us, but threads of fate are not set in one way only. With that hope, I move forward.



    Yemdel family
    Last edited by Baselrane; 02-18-2018 at 03:00 AM. Reason: Message cut OFC

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